I’ve never been on time. Never.
My mom’s due date was February 14. I didn’t even peek. Two days later, I decided I was gracing the world with my presence.
I ran late to high school every morning. Never on time. Not once.
I hate arriving on time for parties. I arrive 15 minutes to 30 minutes late. It’s better.
Time is a distortion to me. I don’t have a grasp on it. I don’t understand how it runs. In my head, I’m in my late twenties. It's probably because everything was paused during the pandemic. Someone pressed the play button at some point, and I think I didn’t realize time was moving. I’m, again, late.
I don’t know where my early thirties went by, but I learned much in those crucial years. I say crucial because I’m not a young adult anymore. I’m a full-fledged adult who is scared of a thousand things yet takes the plunge and tries to face her fears by jumping in. I’ll take the consequences and lessons.
Scaachi Koul, one of my fav writers and a fellow Canadian, made a list of the lessons she learned the year before her birthday. I thought it was a good idea and wanted to do something similar rather than just going on and on about my mortality and what a year it has been. It has been quite the learning curve, so let’s dig in.
A good skincare routine does wonders for your skin. I look younger than ever because I love my little creams and serums.
Things are often not personal and not a judgement on your character. It usually says more about the other person than it says about you.
My mom raised two kids and sacrificed a lot for us when I was young. Now, at 34, I have no kids, and I’m trying to keep up with my life. I don’t know how she did it, but I admire her for that.
Love comes in so many different forms. Romantic love is not the end-all-be-all of someone’s life.
Talking about the end-all-be-all, having kids should not be the end-all-be-all of your life, either.
People tend to forget themselves as they age. It has happened to me, to my friends, and everyone, really. I don’t want to forget myself and put people’s needs before myself. I’m done with this.
Therapy is an investment in myself that I’m proud of. It has made me a better person.
Using a Pinterest board when shopping for clothes has benefited my spending habits. I spend less than ever because I always refer to the board before buying something. Will it fit my other clothes? Do I like it, or is it an impulse buy? How can I wear it? I bought fewer clothes than ever because of that!
Reading and writing are essential in my life. They make me strive for more, think more, and reflect on my words. I thrive knowing I can improve myself every time I write or read.
Depression saved my life. It had been a long time coming. I think I was depressed for two years and not just a long summer. It just culminated with last summer. I had to go through it to get on the other side, and by the other side, I mean…
…learning I have to mould myself to unexpected situations. Like slime, I adapt myself to the shape of whatever is coming my way instead of resisting it. Everything can be resolved; it just needs a bit of creativity and resourcefulness.
My chosen family has come around in more ways than expected. We shouldn’t undervalue the importance of non-familial relationships. They forge and make us grow in ways our own families can’t.
I like Taylor Swift. I enjoy her music. I’m not ashamed of saying so.
My parents are getting older —they’re turning 56, so not that old— and I’m starting to worry about their future. How can I show up more and be there for them?
I’m not sure I am ambitious. I think I’m driven. I think I love working and having projects. But ambition..? Ambitious about what exactly? Maybe my ambition is to feel fulfilled and happy.
It’s funny how taste changes with age.
Everyone seeks validation. It all just depends on how you seek it. So, like… be self-aware.
Self-awareness and excessive self-reflection can become burdens. You may doubt every action, which can ultimately be exhausting.
You don’t need to love yourself to find love. But you still need to try to love yourself.
Failure is great. Failing means you have tried something. It didn’t work. It’s ok. Try again.
Leopard print is super cool. Wearing leopard print is empowering.
Wearing all-black underwear is also empowering.
I don’t give a fuck about a lot of things that mattered not that long ago.
The world is horrible, but we can make it better by organizing. Community is a thing, and it works. It saves people in dark times.
Growing up is okay. It truly is. Even with all the shit going on, it’s still pretty okay.
When I was 16, I had imagined my thirties being like this.
Married, mom of two kids, owning a home, having a job in PR and probably a dog.
Instead, it ended up being more like this.
In a relationship, no kids, renting an apartment, working in marketing, having a cat.
As I’m turning 34, I’m reflecting on my Solar Return. And this year is a special one: I’ve gotten over my depression. I’ve gotten published. I have more contracts than ever, and I’m funemployed for the first time in a very long time. I’m actually looking forward to what is to come — without denying the bouts where I struggle with anger and desperation.
I guess being an adult also means realizing that your current path is better than the one you envisioned.
This brings me to my conclusion. I leave you with this early reading from Costar, the astrology app, for my birthday.
Blank page, blank slate. Onto the next chapter.
À la prochaine,
Y.